“I've been struggling with a couple things lately. By lately, I mean the last couple years. And by struggling, I mean I do battle all day, every day with these thoughts. I am so weary of them, and I am ready to move on.
I'm ready to accept that this may be as complete as my family ever feels, and I'm ready to accept that this body I'm in is good, and I don't need to fight to make it smaller anymore.
I wrote to photographer extraordinaire @shelbymlynnmick and I asked her if she could help me. If she could capture the love and joy in my boys' eyes when they look at me.
Maybe if I could see it in their eyes, I could learn to be kind to myself? Maybe if she could capture what a special thing we have right now in this sweet, fleeting season, I could cling to gratitude instead of the hope for a feeling of completion?
It was quite the ask for a photographer. But I'd say she came through. I'm so grateful for these pictures. And I'm so grateful for this season. And this body that has done so much for me. And that you all bought my skinny clothes that don't fit anymore so we could afford to pay Shelby. 😂
The pictures with the sunflowers are for Annie. You'll notice Shelby put in a shadow for her, too, so that I could have a picture to remind me that in our hearts, we are complete.”
Rachel posted that message, minutes after I emailed her family portrait gallery. It filled my cup to overflowing. And reminded me why I do what I do.
I am just now sharing these photos, because 1) I am chronically slow at blogging my sessions, and 2) these portraits and the stories that go with them seem so intensely personal and sacred to this family that I haven’t felt sure that it’s okay to share them. But I’m sharing them now, with Rachel’s blessing, because 2020 has me discouraged, and I need to remember that my job, my art, whatever — the photos I take with families — they’re important. They can bring healing. And we all need healing.
Rachel and I sent a lot of emails back and forth in preparation for this, and we both wanted to find a way to honor their daughter Annie, who was stillborn, in these portraits. We decided on 5 sunflowers, because she would have been 5 years old, and a little shadow-help from Photoshop to show that Annie is part of their family.
I see so much beauty in this family and so much strength in this woman. I am so grateful for the chance to spend some time with them, and I wanted to share these portraits with you.
